A Letter From My Hero
I know you’re going through a tough time right now, I know you feel sad, angry and alone, your Mum died, it isn’t fair and it will hurt for a long time, I am sorry to have to tell you. I know you wonder if your relationship is the right one, in your heart you are in love and you see your future but you wonder if the dots will connect, you wonder what your future holds.
And I know your business is hard work sometimes, it’s not that you’re not good at what you do, but you’re tired,
of the hustle and the struggle, you hoped it would be easier, you hoped you would be better at it. So I want to tell you my story, for the hope that it will help you in these difficult times.
In the beginning there were days when just getting out of bed was an achievement, and even when I did get up, I felt tired and I wanted to go back, to escape in sleep. Like you, exercise was important to me, and I managed it, but it was harder, my body felt heavy, my heart hurt and sometimes I skipped workouts, it made me annoyed with myself but I was too tired to care.
It look a long time to build my business back up, like you I was passionate about it, but I felt heavy, struggling through each day, I had lost the vision. But, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, small manageable tasks. Sometimes I wasn’t ‘feeling’ it, but I did it, if nothing else it gave me something to do, it felt purposeful.
My relationship suffered, but we were strong, we had already been through a lot, eventually we reached a new level of understanding, we had to talk a lot and it was difficult at times. Your values will change now that you have suffered this loss, give him time to catch up, it’s not that you want entirely different things, it’s that you are on a different timeline, don’t rush, enjoy him, enjoy your journey together. He does love you I can see that very clearly.
I was in the same place as you 5 years ago so I want to tell you about my life now.
I have had 2 children, they are 3 & 1, I was a slightly older Mum but I kept fit and healthy during my pregnancy, stayed consistent with everything I had learned, being a mother has been the greatest blessing, but don’t expect it to be easy, you will find new challenges. You will wish you had your Mum for advice but now I realise she is always with me and she taught me everything I need to know, you will be a great Mum.
My body is strong but a different kind of strong, I still workout but I have been through childbirth, you will take a while to adjust to a new body and you will wish you had appreciated the one you have now more. It won’t look the same but you will have more respect for it, it brought new life in to this world and it carried you through the dark and into the light.
My business was unstable for a long time too, I wondered if it would ever flow, but, like you, I just kept doing the small things.
When it felt hard I practised gratitude for the future and I knew it would come, I knew my mission was bigger than me. I have a thriving community and my work has made a huge difference to thousands of women, yours will too, just keep going.
I know things are tough with Dan, but I also know you believe in him and you know he will provide you with the greatest of happiness. Support him in every way you can and lean on him too, you don’t have to carry this alone, let him be your man, don’t be afraid to tell him you’re hurting, he wants to be there for you.
I still miss my Mum, I wish she could meet her grandchildren, our little girl looks just like her. That won’t go away, but you will remember her fondly and it will bring warmth. I know you still see an ill person, but trust me that will fade, you will have happy memories again.
I promise you that you can’t see it right now but there is light at the end, you are going to feel happiness again, and I know that because I was just like you, 5 years ago.
Lizzie Astin (37)